Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
