piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
