doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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