True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
