Where is the hickey?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
