porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you traded sex for a burrito?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
