oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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