my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize