Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
