i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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