Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dignity is for republicans.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
