You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
