After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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