You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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