So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Two words: nipple clamps
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
