Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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