Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
