hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
