I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
