Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
