i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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