we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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