is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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