Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
