super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
