I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
