Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
