Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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