Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
