btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
