Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
