Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
