Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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