I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
