i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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