OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
