Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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