He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
