Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
