If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
