My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How's work?
Spinning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
