don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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