the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
