i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
