I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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