your thong is hanging out like whoa
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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