The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
