Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
