The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
