I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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