He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
