Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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