margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
