He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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