this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
