I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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