oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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