Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
