Your mouth is God's brothel.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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