Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
