There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
