Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up under a house in Key West
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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