She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
