the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
