can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
