Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
