If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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