I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
