Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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