I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
