tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
