I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
