Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
